Hormones...who needs them!?

Well, so far my plans for world domination seem to have been thwarted at every possible angle.  I mean seriously...how am I going to be Queen of the Earth and all the Universe if I cry at anything and everything which most recently was Bee Movie! (yes...Bee Movie...*rolls eyes*)

I have always been a soppy girl.  Sentimental, romantic and over emotional led to my heart breaking a number of times and too many nostalgic moments in my brain whilst staring out of the window with a cup of coffee.  You might say I have always been hormonal no matter what time of the month!

After the arrival of my babies, this seems to have increased a thousand fold. Now I don't just cry tears, I cry torrents of gushing water that can break dams and sink a million ships.  At the end of these catastrophic events, I am left with swollen red eyes that could make any frog jealous and a headache the size of America.

This possibly would seem ok if it happened and I recovered with most sanity intact.  But more and more as time went by the crying was accompanied with dark dreams, overwhelming hopelessness and furious anger directed at P mainly but at myself too.  A few months later after listening to the girls at work urge me on, I went to the doctor and came out armed with prescription anti depressants and a name for my *hormones*

Post natal depression comes along to most of us who have had babies in a number of ways.  A vast spectrum of feelings can pass through our heads and it just depends on the person on how we deal with these feelings that can either bring us out the other end unscathed (relatively) or allows us to learn to get on with it, to recognise the dark times and try to cope with or without drugs and/or family support.

Without boring the socks off everyone, I decided to cope without the drugs.  I had tried various ones from various different types of *family*.  Some made me sick, some made me not want to get up in the morning (but once I did i was ok) and some just didn't seem to help at all.  So I am here, sans drugs, and I get through the waves of emotion that hit me once in a while the way I know how to.  It isn't fool proof but for me, it's ok. It is a very personal thing.

Recently I had some bad news.  I had heard that a young woman who I knew and liked over the years but never really got to become friends with due to usual life commitments etc took her own life.  She had suffered the very dark type of PND.  The one where you couldn't get up, couldn't look at yourself, at your kids, wouldn't speak, wouldn't eat, nothing worked.  Her mother took care of the kids whilst the husband worked and after 2 long years she seemed to finally be ok and came out of it.  But I think this was because she had made her choice and her choice made her happy.  Now her sons have no mother in their lives and this saddens me deeply.  It saddens me that she felt there was no other way out.  I cried for days, not just for her but for every other man, woman or creature that suffers from depression and I guess this blog is just to say...in a round about way - if you are suffering from PND or even THINK you might be, or depression even there IS help and there is a way out but you have to want it.  Go to your doctor, midwife, people at work even if you've never talked to them before, your partner, neighbour whoever, if you ask for help you will get it.

I am not some kind of mad crusader trying to sugar coat the world but I do realise there isn't enough information about PND out there so if we push now, if we are all strong enough then we can help our daughters and their daughters and so on.

If you think you may have it or someone you know may have it have a look at the website http://www.pni.org.uk/ for more help and information about what you can do to help yourself or someone you know.