Thursday, February 24, 2011

From the ashes...

I'm having a hard time of it lately.  Or so I think I am.  I have had sinusitis where you feel your head is as tender as a melon that could be destroyed into smithereens by a sledgehammer and I have had infection after infection in my jaw and teeth that has just rendered me a zombie even before the cocktail of antibiotics given to me to help fight this all off.

I have had a scan now on my jaw and I'm hoping that soon it will all be over (never I have I looked forward to having my gum ripped open and a bone graft before) and I feel like my sinuses are behaving somewhat as I think the antibiotics (even though not given for that) have worked there too.

I woke up one morning all happy as the sun was actually shining and I could breathe and BAM! I came down to breakfast for the kids and a soul destroying melancholy cast it's shadow over me. I became this twisted, narcissistic, grumpy old woman who was happy at nothing and angry at everything.

I shouted, I cried.  I went to bed early every night.  I just about functioned enough to do what was necessary around the house and with the kids but hated every minute of it.  I feigned indifference and pretended nothing was wrong but the torrent of tears soaked into my pillow every night begged to differ.

Two weeks later, I am fine.  Everything is fine.  No more tears, no more anger.  I have thrown off the cloak of PND successfully again and emerge a winner albeit shattered and almost broken after several gladiator like rounds in the Colosseo of my mind.

I beg you, someone...anyone....please tell me when this will end.


thingsandstuff said...

Good lord, you really have been through the ringer lately haven't you! Huge love and hugs to you and if you need an ear to bend you're more than welcome to mine xxx

Monyelle said...

Are you taking anything for the PND or seeing a therapist for talking sessions(and feel free to email me the response to that)? In the States doctors love just throwing pills at people to fix things, but sometimes, it sincerely is needed. I personally can vouch for both. The last round of talk sessions I did, did not last very long because I had a lazy therapist, but the first few really were helpful. Although we talk all the time to family, friends,'s not the same. You might want to consider it, if you're not already. xoxo Love you!

Mummy Bean said...

I hope you have a better week hun, feeling for you x

Michelloui | The American Resident said...

I can't tell you when it will end, but it does! As Monyelle said, talking is really really important--and therapists are paid to do that! Go to one if you aren't already. And tablets do help the process and you don't need to worry about getting addicted. Tablets help balance the body while the talking therapy begins to work, then the talking therapy takes over.

Sending good wishes and virtual hugs. Im a new follower, looking forward to coming back xox